2004-12-29
14:27
I’m always amazed at where you can find great art. Yesterday, at a rest area, outside of Manden, North Dakota I entered a stall and was greeted by the phrase “all fags will diet” scratched on the inside of the door. After further investigation, I concluded that this work, most likely had two separate authors working completely independent of one another. The first had penned “all fags will die” as an obvious commentary on man’s inevitable mortality, and the second had added the “t” most likely as a commentary on the pressure society puts on homosexuals to look good. Although I enjoyed the profundity of both statements, I’m not sure how I feel about the second artist changing the first’s work. Not unlike Ted Turner colorizing Frank Capra’s movies.
Graffiti in bathrooms has always fascinated me. When I was a teenager, I cleaned my catholic high school in the summer to pay my tuition. When I got to the girl’s bathroom, I was always struck by the complete dearth of graffiti on the walls. I mean really women, what the hell are you doing in there? This time should be spent expressing your creative soul. The walls of the men’s room are filled with the heart and souls of it’s past inhabitants. One of the most popular submissions, on the bathroom canvass is “I will suck your dick” followed by a phone number or sometimes the more adventurous just put a date and time suggesting that they are willing to fellatiate right there on the linoleum. This particular type of graffiti used to make me feel uncomfortable. Now I look at it as the personal adds for the most lonely, sexually deviant people in the universe. Another good one is when the outhouse vandal uses prose. They take time to rhyme their message. It often includes the phrase “brokenhearted” and is the poetry of the common man. They tell the tale of a Tom Joed type character who metaphorically “came to shit but only farted.” I mean, really, how many of us can same the same thing about our lives. All of us…that’s who. I have occasionally come across more obvious political statements. Recently at a Flying J, someone wrote Kerry 04. I don’t know what affect that will have on swing voters, but preach on brother. Another common thing is a testing your love or distaste for a particular artist, i,e, “Metalica Rocks” or “Kenny G is a feltching shit-eater.” Which leads me to my call to action. I have come up with a way you can all spread the word of Aug in the most grassroots of ways. It involves only a pen and a willingness to vandalize public bathrooms. Write “auggiesmith.com” everywhere you relieve yourselves. That’s right, I want to see my name shoe-horned in between the phone number of some slutty girl and a Nazi symbol. This will be especially effective if you women take up the cause, as you are working with a completely blank canvas. Together we will prove that there is no such thing as bad publicity.
